With Sincerest Gratitude
The Western Australian State Government really does care about us.
They want to protect us.
They want to keep us safe.
They only ever act in our best interests.
How do we know?
Because they have thoughtfully published a website explaining how to recognise and help someone experiencing coercive control. They outline the warning signs, the patterns, the subtle behaviours that erode autonomy and make it hard to say no. They even explain how abuse doesn’t need to be violent to be real.
It’s comforting to know they’re so concerned.
So attentive.
So informed.
So committed to recognising harmful patterns of control.
Which makes what follows… AWKWARD!!!!
Because when you read their definition carefully, and then look up from the page at the lived experience of modern governance, you start to wonder whether this resource was meant as guidance, or as an accidental confession!
They Even Tell You What To Do
The Government defines coercive control as a pattern of behaviour that strips away autonomy, creates fear, and makes it difficult or unsafe to say no. They carefully list the signs. They explain how control can be psychological, cumulative, and hidden in plain sight.
They even tell you what to do.
They advise that if you believe your phone is being monitored, you should use a friend’s phone.
If your movements are being tracked, seek a safer way to communicate.
If you are afraid to speak freely, find another channel.
Which is impressively thoughtful advice.
It is also, unintentionally, a perfect description of modern civic life.
Because many people now already assume:
- their phone may be monitored
- their online activity is being tracked
- their words may be misinterpreted
- their associations may be scrutinised
And so they adapt.
They speak less.
They choose their words carefully.
They avoid certain topics.
They use private channels.
They self-censor.
Not because they are violent.
Not because they are dangerous.
But because they are cautious.
Which, according to the government’s own guidance, is exactly how coercive control works.
It doesn’t need to shout.
It doesn’t need to threaten openly.
It simply creates an environment where silence feels safer than honesty.
What Coercive Control Is
According to the Government’s own material, coercive control is not a single act or an isolated incident. It is a pattern of behaviour. It works by gradually stripping away autonomy, creating fear or uncertainty, and making it difficult or unsafe to say no. It is often psychological rather than physical. It accumulates over time. And it frequently goes unrecognised while it is happening because each individual step can be justified.
Applying the Definition
Let’s look at how you could be in an abusive relationship with the WA Government.
Coercive Control: Domestic Relationship vs Government Relationship
| Domestic Relationship | Government Relationship |
|---|---|
| Monitoring phone calls, messages, or online activity | Digital surveillance, metadata retention, data sharing across agencies |
| Tracking movements or whereabouts | Location tracking, licence checks, automated monitoring systems including Number Plate Recognition Technology |
| Restricting freedom “for your own safety” | Limiting movement, access, or participation under public safety rules |
| Punishing refusal or disagreement | Fines, penalties, loss of access, increased scrutiny for non-compliance |
| Making consent technically optional but practically impossible | “Voluntary” schemes where opting out carries consequences |
| Gaslighting concerns as irrational or paranoid | Dismissing objections as misinformation, confusion, or overreaction |
| Rewriting past statements or denying prior promises | Policy reversals presented as continuity or “always the plan” |
| Isolating from friends, family, or support | De-platforming, social exclusion, discouraging association with dissent |
| Financial pressure used to enforce compliance | Fees, fines, and economic penalties tied to behaviour |
| Creating fear of speaking openly | Chilling effects on speech through monitoring and consequences |
| Normalising control gradually over time | Temporary measures becoming permanent, incremental expansion |
| Framing control as care or protection | Surveillance and regulation justified as safety and wellbeing |
| Victim adapts behaviour to avoid conflict | Citizens self-censor, self-monitor, and pre-emptively comply |
| Silence becomes safer than honesty | Non-participation or quiet compliance replaces open dissent |
When the Advice Is Applied Consistently
| Advice in an Abusive Relationship | What You Can Do in a Government Relationship |
|---|---|
| Use a friend’s phone if you believe your phone is being monitored | Use alternative, privacy-respecting platforms and limit unnecessary data sharing |
| Find safer ways to communicate if you feel watched | Choose communication channels deliberately |
| Trust your instincts if something feels wrong | Take discomfort seriously instead of dismissing it |
| Learn the signs of coercive control | Educate yourself about surveillance, compliance systems, and rights |
| Don’t blame yourself for adapting to survive | Recognise self-censorship as a response to pressure |
| Seek independent advice and support | Diversify information sources |
| Maintain connections with friends and community | Stay connected with people who allow open discussion |
| Make plans that prioritise safety and autonomy | Preserve independence, consent, and optionality |
| Understand abuse can be subtle and cumulative | Pay attention to gradual shifts, not just dramatic events |
| You don’t need to justify your discomfort | You don’t need permission to question or opt out where possible |
Quiet Power
Recognising coercive patterns does not oblige anyone to act, resist, confront, or declare anything. It restores orientation. Control is most effective when people feel they must respond. Peaceful pushback is the refusal to be hurried into reaction. It is remaining intact. Choosing where and how to engage. Withdrawing emotional fuel without withdrawing awareness.
When systems rely on pressure, speed, and compliance, inner peace becomes a form of sovereignty. Not as escape. Not as denial. But as steadiness. Calm presence interrupts coercive dynamics because it refuses to be shaped by them. From that place, engagement becomes choice rather than reflex. Silence becomes intentional rather than fearful. Participation becomes selective rather than compulsory.
Closing
When control becomes normalised, peace becomes a conscious choice.
By Dawn Kelly, Founder of the Inner Compass – Guiding you to align with the highest expression of your true self.
Inner Compass sessions are designed for moments like this – when external pressure creates internal noise. They provide a grounded, neutral space to regain clarity, settle the nervous system, and reconnect with your own sense of direction, without urgency or expectation.
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